The Goodbye

One thing I struggle with more than anything in my life is The Goodbye.  I tend to put it off as long as I can (one reason why this blog has taken me so long, I just couldn't muster the energy to write about The Goodbyes), so I am overcoming my struggle and sharing with you all The Goodbye.

As bitter as The Goodbye is, it is also one of  the most caring experiences one could have.  The Goodbye typically has one of these components: endless chatter and small talk to procrastinate The Goodbye as long as possible, awkward silence when you both realize The Goodbye is inevitable, throat tightens, eyes tear up, and finally the embrace.  At this point I realized that I wish I would have spent more time, or made the time count with this person. I wished I could have gone back and done things maybe a little better.  I am speechless because I don't know how to articulate to this person how much they truly mean to me and it would be impossible anyway to slip a word out past the lump in my throat. All you can do is stand there crying, half thinking to yourself how you could have been better and half wondering how long you should hug this person before one of you becomes uncomfortable and which one of you is going to make the first move to back away.  You look into this person's eyes, they say some encouraging thing like "it's going to be a great adventure," "your going to have so much fun," or "it's going to be so good for you to get away for awhile," I appreciate the words of wisdom but it didn't help relieve the pain of the moment.  It's like when you know something is true in your head, but your heart and spirit are throwing a temper tantrum because it doesn't feel good.  More small talk follows, a final hug with an extra squeeze, and BAM The Goodbye.

So this all sounds so bitter, what is the sweet part? The sweet part is that it is a wonderful opportunity to show someone you love how much you truly care.  For me this is especially important because I tend to build a wall around my emotions and hold people an arms distance away.  I struggle with showing vulnerability, and really that is the essence of The Goodbye.  So it is sweet because it is a moment where the guard drops and emotions come pouring out.  An extra "I love you" is said that wouldn't have been said otherwise.  The second aspect of the sweet part is you realize how many people care for you.  It was like a big pep-up rally for me because it showed me that I must be on the right track to something big.  I was endlessly surprised how many people were sad to see us go, I really had no idea that the both of us made such an impact on those around us.  Ultimately my life goal is to love and cherish everyone around me, I want to make big impacts and change lives.

So it all comes down to this:  I LOVE YOU!  The three weeks of sadness, tears, and hugs were totally worth it because I was able to say I LOVE YOU to soooo many people.  And it is so true.

On that note we would like to share our gratitude to some key people - It all started with my dear Osborn Family, they had a goodbye dinner for us, gave me an embroidered blanket, and totally hooked us up with gear for the drive.  Karri-ann threw us a small friend's gathering part 1, and part 2 was hosted by Amanda & Levi Yoder.  The biggest thanks goes to our parents Bob & Audrey Roth and Ken & Sonja Polack and our families for throwing us a Goodbye, Chris Birthday/Graduation going away dinner.  It was so great to get a chance to visit with close family and friends.  The GRAND thank-you goes to the one and only Tom Sleight.  Without his mechanical help we would be stuck somewhere 30 miles from a rest stop about to be kidnapped by a crazy serial killer...or something like that lol.  Thank you everyone we love you!